


The Five Stages of Grief

by robin_X3



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations, It's literally in the name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24794083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robin_X3/pseuds/robin_X3
Summary: ..and not dealing with them.L's death affects Light in more ways than he thought it would.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	The Five Stages of Grief

#1 Denial

Quiet.

It was an eerie sort of silence, the kind that stretched on and on until you would lose track of time and reason and eventually be desperate enough to break it, whatever the cost.

Weird.

Light had always welcomed such quiet. It helped him think without having to put up with the falsehood and pretenses that he had to in the presence of an audience.

And yet...today..on the eve of L’s death, this noiselessness was suffocating him.

He grew more and more agitated as time passed. Even the church bells he’d been hearing all day, had stopped.

He turned on the tap and watched as water cascaded noiselessly past his fingers, the coldness contrasting the warmth of his skin, and he found himself wondering if it would be enough to seep out the remaining lingering heat of L’s dying body out of his hands. He cupped the water in his palms, and brought it to his face, washing the sweat off his skin. He opened his eyes, and saw L’s blood seep out of his hands, mixing with the water and turning it bright crimson, as it swirled down the drain.

He blinked and it was gone. Pristine water poured out of the tap as usual. The quiet was getting to him. Where were the damn incessant ringing of those church bells?

_ "They have stopped, haven't they Light-kun." _

Light looked up at the spotless mirror in front of his face, and sure enough, there it was, the reflection of the dead detective, sitting in his odd pose on top of the closed lid of the toilet seat.

What!?

Light whirled around, and the detective was no longer in his perch.

It can’t be.

L is dead. 

He died in his arms. 

Light had felt L breathe his last dying breath in his arms, had seen the look of betrayal in his eyes as they grew dim, spotted the satisfaction in his visage as he finally knew for sure that he was right, that Light was Kira. 

“L is dead.” Light said it aloud to himself, to assure himself.

Yes, that had to be it. Light was just seeing things. He’d spent too much time with the detective prior to his death, so he was naturally imagining him in places he would otherwise be, if alive. His sleep deprived brain must’ve conjured the image of the detective to lull him into a false sense of normalcy. “I’m just tired. It was a long battle.” Light attempted to reinforce the idea by saying it out loud. “I’m just hallucinating.”

_ “No Light-kun. You’re in denial.” _

#2 Anger

It happens again in a park, under the shade of a willow that is still too young for its kind, but seeming much too old and withered against its surroundings. Here, men dressed in various shades of black can be seen dotting the scene. The place is hidden from view, a secluded region beyond the bushes, under the vast boughs of the weeping willow, whence stands an epitaph tall and proud and outwardly simple, like the man that lies beneath it. Of all the people milling about, one figure catches the eye, a youth huddled under an umbrella as amber as his hair, seemingly furthest from the grave and yet, closer to death than any other shall ever be.

_ "You look awful, Light-kun."  _ Inflection less, emotionless, just like the pale face that accompanied the voice.

"Says the man with a depraved sense of fashion." A hint of frustration in the otherwise (forced-) impassive face.

_ "For you to imply that I even possess one is an honour."  _ A subtle sarcasm-laced statement, subtle enough that Light and only Light can sense its presence. 

"Oh shut up and let me concentrate." Grumbling. 

  
  


A moment's quiet, and then,

" _ Kira-kun has quite the perseverance to pretend that he is mourning a fallen friend."  _ Dark. Amusement. Curiosity. 

"Feeling poetic on our own funeral, are we L?" Anger. 

_ "It is only normal for me to feel emotions sufficient for the both of us."  _ The words  _ "...that you are unable to, _ " hang heavy in the air, like the stinging resonance of a slap to the face. 

The reply is but a small sigh, barely audible in the drizzle.  **Anger** and  **guilt** , then.

  
  


#3 Bargaining

This was it. 

Light was stupid. He was careless. And he was going to die. 

All this, and for what?

To go head to head against the World’s Greatest Detective, and to come out on top, only to finally lose to some replacements of his? Some children, playing at being adults,making a fool out of him.

Breathing deeply, in-out-in-out, Light regulated his breathing. He sat back on his chair, and stretched out the stress-knots on his back. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have killed you, L.”  _ Regret? _

_ “Hmm?” Characteristic cocking of head to the side in confusion. _

“Remember when you said I was your first friend? Were you telling the truth?” 

_ “Why don’t you tell me what you think, Light kun?” _

“It doesn’t matter now anyway, does it L?”  _ Giving up? _

_ “No. I don’t suppose it does.” _

“And yet…” Light sighed, “I was genuinely happy, L. Solving the case together, challenging you, it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had.”

_ A nod. _

“L, do you ever wonder, that if circumstances had been different, and we were not on opposite teams, but had the chance to work together.. Do you suppose we would’ve been friends?”  **_Bargaining._ **

_ “Of that I have 0% doubt, Light-kun.” _ L’s ghostly pale face cracked a small smile, and Light found himself imitating it despite himself.

  
  


#4 Depression

"It was necessary. "

_ Quiet. _

"He knew what the risks were; he had himself signed up for this, knowing full well his life would be on the line."

_ Not a word. _

"Besides, to deny him the chance to prove his worth, would be a blow to his pride."

_ "Why?" _

"You of all people should know why he had died, Ryuuzaki," Light spat.

_ "You misunderstand." _

"...What?"

_ "I meant, why is it so hard for you to admit that you are feeling depression out of the guilt for having killed your father." _

"L, I am not guilty. And neither am I depressed. His sacrifice is going to pave the path to a New and Reformed world. How can anyone be guilty of laying down the foundations of something so pure?"

_ "....And yet Kira-kun refuses to use the word ' _ **_kill'_ ** _ and ' _ **_father_ ** _ ' in the same sentence." _

  
  


#The upward turn

L was wrong.

Light, no  **Kira** , was right.

Everything was going according to his plans. 

Yes, the combined efforts of Mello, Near and Matt, L’s little precious prodigies, had thrown a wrench in his plans. But he’s overcome that hurdle. A few sacrifices were made, but what mattered was that Light had come out on top.

There was no stopping him.

He was invincible.

It was his time now.

Kira would be the God of the New World.

  
  


#5 Acceptance

It was a recurring dream. Light would occasionally dream of the time he and L had spent together:

"Go away L!" Light snapped, clearly more than ruffled at such a predicament. 

"You know I can't do that Light-kun."

"Yeah! Whose fault is that?"

"Obviously it's Light-kun's fault..."

Light grabbed the edge of the blanket, fully prepared to kick L off of it and the bed if it meant getting some privacy. 

"It's because Light-kun is my first ever friend. We shall be connected, 'til death do us part."

~

_ "Till death do us part, no Light-kun? I've come to take you." _

Light looked up into the ethereal illuminated figure of the dead detective. 

"As I saw you die, so shall you see me fall to my demise. Have you come to take me to Mu? Is this what you would call poetic justice?" Light rasped

" _ No Light-kun, this is simply me come to see you, to say I told you so. You forget, I am Justice." _

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing too much fluff and sweetness in Aishiteru. Needed to balance it out with some angst.   
> C&C welcome.


End file.
